birth rape

"It is little wonder that rape is one of the least-reported crimes. Perhaps it is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused and, in reality, it is she who must prove her good reputation, her mental soundness, and her impeccable propriety" - Freda Adler

I was asked to place a warning that this post may cause triggers.

Birth rape is a hard subject to write about because a part of me feels that I may be criticized for using the term "rape." I want to clarify that I am in no way downplaying the seriousness of rape as we define it in our society. However, I am trying to bring to light why women feel the need and purpose to recognize rape in all its forms.

In the Webster dictionary, one of the definitions for rape is: "any violation or abuse"

I found this definition of birthrape from THIS WEBSITE and found it very accurate:

As most who are reading this blog know, I am also processing issues surrounding birthrape and how midwives (not just OBs and nurses) facilitate the birthrape experience for women.

(a definition in the making)

Birthrape: The experience of having fingers, scissors, and/or tools put/pushed/shoved inside a woman's vagina or rectum without her direct (or indirect) permission.

Being coerced, manipulated, or lied to regarding the health and safety of the baby or themselves so the midwife is able to do something to the mother's vagina, rectum, cervix, or perineum, usually with excuses; rarely with apologies.

Some find the definition expanded to:

The midwife taking the woman's Power by using disparaging comments, unsupportive expressions, speaking around her as if she is unable to hear or process requests or information.

and

Even though consent forms are signed in the hospital, birth center, and at home, consent for care does not include the manipulations or coercive words to get women to obey the caregiver.

I thought it was time I shared some of the thousands of comments I have personally heard that have facilitated birthrape over the years.

When a woman is about to give birth - she is in a very vulnerable state. When entering a hospital to labor, she is immediately asked to change into a hospital gown. She will have nurses and doctors sticking their hands in her vagina - and, often, putting foreign objects up there as well (such as an amniohook). These women will have to fight for their rights to do simple tasks, such as walk - or eat. They will be bullied into accepting interventions they do not want. They will have actions done to their body that they did not know were going to happen. And it happens every.single.day.

Shortly after my son was born, I was lying on the hospital bed by myself. It was just me and the doctor. Everyone else was with the baby. The doctor was looking between my legs and I assumed she was checking for tearing. All of a sudden, without notice or permission, the doctor pulled my placenta out of my uterus. It felt like velcro ripping from the walls of my stomach. I gasped, but didn't say a word. This doctor did not tell me to push and did not ask for my consent to do a dangerous and unnecessary procedure. And, for what? Because it was 7pm and she wanted to go home? Later - when discussing why I wanted to have a homebirth with future children, I was describing the event to my husband and the only word I could use to describe how I felt was "violated." She did things to my body that I did not want her to do. Yet, she was my doctor. I signed a blanket consent. What was I going to do?

So, I did nothing.

At a birth I attended recently, the mother was screaming at the ER nurse to stop racing her down the hallway as she pushed her baby out on the stretcher. The mom was screaming, "STOP! STOP!!!! STOP!" I finally grabbed him and the bed and yelled, "She.said.STOP" before he listened. If you take that situation out of the birth setting, what would you think? If a woman was screaming, "STOP!" and everyone around her was ignoring the situation? If no one listened? If no one stopped?

And, we're not the only ones.

I posted a poll on Twitter and asked, "At any point during your labor, birth and/or postpartum period, did you feel things were done to you without your knowledge or consent?" These were the results at the time that I wrote this:

This is NOT ok.

49% of women. FORTY-NINE. Yes, only 68 votes were counted at that time (and I let women answer multiple times if they've given birth more than once). However, that number would be too high if it were 2% of women. Women should not be made to feel like they are being violated when they are giving birth.

And doctors and nurses and midwives should NOT be getting away with treating women like this. Just because they are in a hospital setting does NOT make things like this okay.

We need to end things, such as performing pelvic exams on anesthetized women. We need to recognize that women can develop PTSD from birth rape. We need to continue being an advocate for women to have a right to their bodies - even if they're with a medical professional.

Most importantly, we must recognize if these things happened to us. Birth trauma can cause women to carry around negative feelings and sensations for the rest of their lives. It can prevent them from progressing in future pregnancies and births. It can hang a rain cloud of fear over their head if they don't accept the fact that they have a right to be angry. They have a right to be downright pissed off that things were done to them against their will. They have a right to be sad, depressed, confused, scared. And, they need to know that it's not their fault that it happened.

The first thing we can do to make a difference is to accept this fact:

birthrape is real

Secondly: It is vital we choose care providers whom we trust for this very reason.

Thirdly: We can not accept these actions as normal. We are women and we have a right to our bodies. We are better than this and we deserve better for ourselves and for our babies. We have rights.

Lastly, if you can - if you are willing, share your own personal experience/s. Let your tale be known - for you are not alone.

Resources
I-CAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network - assists with ALL kinds of birth trauma)
Birth Partners (find a local midwife and/or doula)
A Different Kind of Pain (great article about Birth Rape over at Navelgazing)
Birth Rape (a place to discuss and share stories - to heal)
My OB Said What (a humorous, yet painfully true list of quotes from birthing staff)
Violence in Labor (an article over at the Unnecesarean)

why I take medication, but deny interventions

**(disclaimer: I know natural birth isn't for everyone, this was specifically written from my POV of the experience. So no one go off and get offended now)**

I've had a lot of people express doubt when I proclaim, "I'm having a natural birth" because, well, they know me.

If I have a headache, I take an aspirin. When I suffered from migraines, I took Imitrex (and, on occasion, Demerol). I've popped Percocet for juvenile arthritis (thanks, pointe ballet) and Xanax to help me sleep. Now that I'm pregnant, I still take Celexa to combat bi-polar disorder and I recently filled a script for Zofran because I had hyperemesis with my previous babes and I'm not doing that again.

So, why on Earth would I avoid medication and pain relief during childbirth?

Because it's not a medical condition.

I don't need Pitocin or Cervadil because my baby and body know exactly when they're ready and at what speed my labor should progress.

I do need Zofran because natural methods don't work and my body needs to maintain the right nutrients in order to grow a healthy baby.

I don't need Penicillan because the risks of another thrush infection are far greater than my risks of passing GBS on to my child.

I do need Celexa, because the risks of my bi-polar disorder not being controlled are far more dangerous than the possibility of the drug passing through my placenta.

I don't need Stadol because all it does is make me loopy and forget what's happening.

I do need the occasional Tylenol because it helps me focus when my head isn't killing me.

The biggest "are you crazy?!?!?" question, of course, comes from people asking why I would choose to not get a needle dug into my spinal cord. Not only that, but I am going to be giving birth at a location where I won't even be able to get the epidural when I ask for it, because, of course I'll ask for it. You know, no woman in her right mind likes pain.

I'm no exception. Obviously, I can't stand pain.

I often hear the analogy "would you have a tooth pulled without pain meds?" (especially from my mother-in-law, who, ironically, was the oral surgeon's assistant when I was having my wisdom teeth taken out). So, she knows this answer. No, I would not go without pain medication to have my teeth pulled. I had twilight anesthesia and popped every pain medication they gave me after the fact. I had to return to work and I wasn't going to be talking to customers on the phone while wallowing in pain.

So, why is birth different?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT AN ILLNESS.

I don't think God (or Nature or the High-Elf Priestess, or whatever you believe) intended for us to have our teeth pulled. He/She/It however did intend for women to give birth. Our bodies were designed perfectly to create, form, grow, and deliver an infant. The pain of childbirth is not without purpose - it was put there for a reason. Pain tells you how to move and where to apply pressure. Women with posterior babies feel relief when they rotate their hips, which helps turn the baby. Pain tells a woman when to push, and when she feels those sensations, she can help prevent herself from tearing.

It's also fair to say that, of course, there are dangers involved with getting pain relief when in labor. Doctors will often say, "There aren't many risks to an epidural" - and they're right, there aren't a lot of direct risks related to an epidural. However, they forget to tell you that epidurals increase the likelihood that you'll have Pitocin - which carries its own risks. You'll have an increased chance of a forcep or vacuum assisted delivery - which carry their own risks. You're at a greater chance of fetal distress and, of course, Cesarean delivery - which has a multitude of risks.

Considering I am pregnant and not sick, diseased, or dying - I feel that the pain of childbirth is very much so worth every second that I have the ability to move throughout labor, every second that I avoid induction, every second that I get further away from a scalpel, and every second that my newborn baby looks into my eyes - alert and awake.

Childbirth can not be compared to an illness, because it isn't one. It is not something that needs to be "fixed." It is something that needs to be felt. Especially by those who want it.

Ricki Lake says it best in her movie The Business of Being Born.

“I love pain medication, I love numbing myself. I don't want to feel even a headache. I'm that person, too. But when it came to giving birth, it wasn't an illness, it wasn't something that needed to be numbed. It was something to be experienced.”