Oh, right. I'm pregnant

I don't really write about my own pregnancy on here too often, do I? It's not that I'm a private person (I'm really quite the opposite) - it's just... I have a really bad habit of forgetting that I'm pregnant.

I mean, my stomach is huge. My uterus is growing. There's definitely a baby in there (I feel it all the time!) I just haven't "felt" pregnant. I heard that the 3rd baby is the one that always throws the mom through a loop. This pregnancy, aside from nausea that subsided in the 1st trimester, has been completely different than my 2 previous kiddos. I have never been one to enjoy being pregnant and, well, I'm enjoying being pregnant. I don't feel too huge or too grumpy or too gassy. I feel good. Maybe it's my diet (The Brewer Diet) or my activity (being a midwife's apprentice keeps me pretty active).

However, because my pregnancy is going so well - it's also going by extremely quickly. I was pregnant forever with Hayden & Vincent. Baby Tres, on the other hand? I'm at the halfway mark.

I'm 21 weeks.

This kid has barely anything clothes, way too far diapers, and hardly any blankets. I have some friends who are sending me free things (because this is my 3rd baby and I am so over buying new clothes for an infant - who will just pee, puke, poop and grow out of them) - but I had a small panic attack today when I realized everything I own for this child can fit in tiny plastic tub. An inane fear since all a baby really needs is boobs and an Ergo - and I have both of those (and, another great friend is sending me the newborn insert). Okay, and maybe a ring sling.

I also feel guilty over the fact that I have been so busy preparing and being excited for my birth, it hits me randomly - by the way, you're also HAVING A BABY. I have made myself feel absolutely horrible by trying to convince myself that I'm more excited about the birth than I am about my baby even though my true self knows this isn't true. Still with me? I know that as the baby starts moving more, I will slowly become more connected. My ultrasound (NO I'M NOT LOOKING AT THE GENITALS) is on Thursday - and seeing Baby Tres will give me a "face" to love. Kind of. And, obviously, once I birth without Pitocin and without an epidural and without the panic of the hospital - I will be able to enjoy my brand new baby with their brand new baby smell. But - it's a process.

At least the kid finally has a name.

21 weeks