about my baby's parts

Sometimes, rarely, I get annoyed that I don't know what I'm having. Except, it's more annoying that Jarrod, my husband, knows something that I don't. However, for the most part, I am extremely pleased that I did not find out what I'm having. There's something exciting about feeling this baby move and trying to guess if it's a boy or a girl.

About a boy - I feel boy. I think I'm carrying "boy" and this pregnancy closely resembles the one I had with Vincent. I think another boy would be great in the sense that Vincent, my son, could have a brother to play with - and I'm not sure how Hayden, my daughter, would feel if she weren't the only girl. However, another boy scares me in the sense that I keep imagining another Vincent and I don't know if I couldn't handle two Vincents. It's kind of a ridiculous fear because I know no 2 kids are the same, but, I can't help but wonder how exhausted I'd be.

About a girl ( - I see girl. When I envision my birth, I see girl. I dreamt that I told Jarrod, "See, you do make girls!" I am far more attached to our girl name then I am our boy name - and it came to me very easily. However, I don't see myself with girls. I've always seen myself with more boys. Even Hayden is a "tomboy." I think maybe I keep seeing a girl because it would be more of a surprise - since I keep thinking I'll have boys. And, surprises are fun.

It's interesting how everyone has an opinion too. I love guessing the sex of growing fetuses. (And, for the most part, I guess correctly - as long as the kid isn't one growing in my uterus). About half the people I know guess girl and the other half guess boy. I'd guess half of them are right.

In any sense, I really like not knowing. I wish I had stuck to my guns and not found out with Hayden or Vincent. I know that a lot of people can't wait. I also know a lot of people who would want it to be a surprise if they already have "one of each." I also get excited and giddy when I found out someone I know is going to their ultrasound appointment and will be finding out. However, honestly, I strongly recommend waiting. There's just something nice about having all this mystery around you. I also like the idea that no one is telling me what sex my baby is. I can not wait to hold my baby in my arms and look for myself. I can't wait to be the one who announces, "It's a boy!" Or girl. Who knows.

Did you find out the sex of your baby before the birth? Why or why not?

Oh, right. I'm pregnant

I don't really write about my own pregnancy on here too often, do I? It's not that I'm a private person (I'm really quite the opposite) - it's just... I have a really bad habit of forgetting that I'm pregnant.

I mean, my stomach is huge. My uterus is growing. There's definitely a baby in there (I feel it all the time!) I just haven't "felt" pregnant. I heard that the 3rd baby is the one that always throws the mom through a loop. This pregnancy, aside from nausea that subsided in the 1st trimester, has been completely different than my 2 previous kiddos. I have never been one to enjoy being pregnant and, well, I'm enjoying being pregnant. I don't feel too huge or too grumpy or too gassy. I feel good. Maybe it's my diet (The Brewer Diet) or my activity (being a midwife's apprentice keeps me pretty active).

However, because my pregnancy is going so well - it's also going by extremely quickly. I was pregnant forever with Hayden & Vincent. Baby Tres, on the other hand? I'm at the halfway mark.

I'm 21 weeks.

This kid has barely anything clothes, way too far diapers, and hardly any blankets. I have some friends who are sending me free things (because this is my 3rd baby and I am so over buying new clothes for an infant - who will just pee, puke, poop and grow out of them) - but I had a small panic attack today when I realized everything I own for this child can fit in tiny plastic tub. An inane fear since all a baby really needs is boobs and an Ergo - and I have both of those (and, another great friend is sending me the newborn insert). Okay, and maybe a ring sling.

I also feel guilty over the fact that I have been so busy preparing and being excited for my birth, it hits me randomly - by the way, you're also HAVING A BABY. I have made myself feel absolutely horrible by trying to convince myself that I'm more excited about the birth than I am about my baby even though my true self knows this isn't true. Still with me? I know that as the baby starts moving more, I will slowly become more connected. My ultrasound (NO I'M NOT LOOKING AT THE GENITALS) is on Thursday - and seeing Baby Tres will give me a "face" to love. Kind of. And, obviously, once I birth without Pitocin and without an epidural and without the panic of the hospital - I will be able to enjoy my brand new baby with their brand new baby smell. But - it's a process.

At least the kid finally has a name.

21 weeks

The Gross (Normal) Things in Pregnancy That No One Talks About (but should!)

When I became pregnant with my oldest, I was told about the swollen feet, the morning sickness, and the glowing skin (and, after 3 pregnancies - I am still waiting for said 'glowing skin'). However, there were many things that I was not prepared for. Things that I found utterly embarrassing. Did I really want to ask my friends if it was normal to pee myself, should I ask my OB if frequent farts were normal, and just exactly where was that smell coming from? Unfortunately, the Feds must have locked up and censored all of these 'dirty, nasty' things and silenced everyone with fear of being improper.

Well, 'eff being proper.

So, with the assistance of Twitter and friends and family - I wrote this as a way to provide preparation, hope, help, and advice through my List of Disgusting and Embarrassing Side Effects of Gestation.

Burping - like a drunk man
I will never forget how I scarred the pizza boy during my current pregnancy, when I opened the door and, without saying a word, proceeded to burp loudly in his face. Twice. I apologized, but the look he gave me was priceless. I haven't ordered Pizza Hut since.

Mind you, I burp with reason. With all of my children, I have had morning sickness and the easiest, quickest way to kick my nausea right in the groin is to drink root beer and burp until my stomach feels better. Unfortunately, there is something about pregnancy that makes your gas loud and smelly - no matter the route or the exit ramp. This sometimes makes me wonder if I should be waddling around with a beer gut, belly shirt, and trucker hat - but, for now, I would rather burp in the face of a delivery man than puke.

Solution - Accept your fate. If you're a burper - it's just gonna happen, preggo. Usually, it lightens up after the 1st trimester on it's own. You can also try Tums or other calcium supplements, which may help.

Real Life Stories:
"You should write about when you think you're going to burp and then you throw up in your mouth. Kind of like sharting, but instead of [pooping] when you fart, you puke when your burp :( I think it's almost worse than just regular puking because it's gone up my nose before. At least if I know I'm going to puke, I can adequately prepare for the unblessed event. 'Purking' is just unfair."

Constipation - like whoa
If pregnancy-induced insomnia is nature's way of preparing your body for sleepless nights with a newborn, than pregnancy-induced constipation is nature's way of preparing your body to push out a baby.

I'm glad I poop alone, because I fear people would call an ambulance and tell them, "she's having a baby! In the bathroom!" I scream, I grunt, and I say, "Come on, owww..." I change positions, I try to relax, and - towards the end - I definitely give up and say, "I can't do this anymore!" I don't have a choice though - and I persevere. After the final push, I feel relief and gratitude - proclaiming, "I did it! I DID IT!" I am so ready to have this baby. Thanks, constipation.

Solution: Water. Drink tons and tons of it. If you were a caffeine-aholic before becoming pregnant, don't quit cold turkey. Wean yourself, which would make it so you don't plug yourself up. You want to stay away from laxatives, but most over-the-counter stool softeners are safe (but, as always, consult your midwife or OB before starting any sort of medication)

Discharge - this requires no witty subtext
You know how nasty comics are always claiming that vaginas smell like fish? Well... heh. You may be surprised and, in my case, mortified, at what comes out of your vagina when pregnant. It's discharge, but it changes color (pink, brown, white, yellow...), consistency, and scent. Usually, on a daily basis. There's also a lot of it. A lot.

Solution: You know how you were so excited when you realized you wouldn't have a period for 9 months, and you thought that meant you would stay away from all sorts of menstruation products? Think again. I keep a supply of panty-liners, usually opting for the scented ones since the smell of discharge has made me gag. For more eco-friendly moms, you can try cloth pads - which tend to reduce the smell of discharge as well.

Flatulence - uncontrollable, obvious flatulence
You know those really, gross, loud farts that your husband blames on the dog you don't have? Or, in my case, on the baby? His farts have nothing on pregnancy farts. As women, we tend to have quiet, usually discreet, farts. However, when pregnant - this all changes.

They're LOUD. EXTREMELY loud. There is no "I-think-I-may-fart" sensations - this just come, out of nowhere. Without an invitation, without warning. They also smell, and, they smell badly.

Don't think these ones will go away once you're un-pregnant, either. These farts can follow you well past the post-partum period.

Solutions: Avoid greasy, spicy foods (if, your cravings will allow you). In my case, I was able to escape embarrassment because, after the first time my husband made fun of one of my louder "toots" - I burst into crazy, psycho, hormonal sobs. After that episode, he began to take the blame for me when I was having a gassy moment in public.

Real life stories:

"I wish someone would tell me 'by the way, you may fart ALL THE TIME."
" no one told me about the post partum uncontrollable farting either"
"I teach yoga and even 1yr post partum I have to be careful & hold things extra tight in certain poses. Otherwise..I've let out a few choice sounds in front of an entire yoga class. I don't react & just hope people couldn't tell who."
"I also farted my life away while in labour which was excruciatingly embarrassing. I had an epi so no pain to distract me. Also I was up in stirrups for ages. Poor midwives :-("
"I farted in my OBs face during an exam once. Luckily, he pretended like he didn't hear it"

Hemorrhoids - they really DO exist
I've never experienced these personally, so I'm leaving this one up to the personal stories:

Real Life Stories:
"I actually didn't have them until AFTER birth (from pushing, I'm assuming). It was very uncomfortable. Vaseline [helped] and I've heard that [Sitz Baths] can help"
" I've never had them, and then last week out of NOWHERE, surprise!!! I was seriously so shocked and embarrassed and mad at my body, that I cried myself to sleep. I seriously thought they were a myth. And then one night, after a week of diarrhea, oh... my.... god. its terrible. thank goodness mine went away after like 3 days, but I was afraid to go to the bathroom, or sit down, or talk about it."
"[what helped was] suppositories & actually using "family cloth" instead of TP! So random but it's been SO much better since."

Leakage - my milk brings all the babies to the yard
I'm sure you've heard the story of the new mom walking around the grocery store and, upon hearing a stranger's baby cry, begins to leak profusely from her breasts. However, did you know that not only is this real, but it's extremely common. Milk will leak from your chest for a good month, at least. Sometimes, it will soak through your shirt. Your sheets. Your mattress.

I remember waking up after my milk came in with my oldest. My boobs were as hard as rocks and my bed was soaked. Soaked. It was sticky and gross and I thought I was dying. I love breastfeeding and I think breastmilk is liquid gold- but it's not something I want to bathe in. I also have leaked while out in public and only noticed when I realized people were staring at two giant wet spots on my chest.

Solution: don't forget to always stuff your bras. With breast pads, that is. They make all kinds, ranging from disposable to cloth. Another solution is to make sure you nurse when baby is hungry and, usually, within a month or two - your milk supply will regulate and your breasts will become dryer. I didn't stop leaking for good until my son was 8 months old. I became used to it though and, so do most women.

Real Life Stories:
"I leak milk like crazy. I use a "Milkies" milk collector when nursing (opposite side) to collect & save milk."

Orgasmic Stimulation - in the worst situations
When you've got a fetus in process, your body helps prepare your body by increasing your blood volume. And, it increases it everywhere. There's nothing like starting the engine of your car and being met with a - er, sensation.

Solution: Wear loose fitting clothing, don't sit down, and, avoid motorcycles. Or, give it some time. This problem usually only affects women for a short time.

Real Life Stories:
" Even just a tight pair of pants does it sometimes"

Pooping - and the fear of
Everyone knows about pooping on the delivery table, and, most women fear it. However, honestly, I wouldn't know if I had. Nurses and midwives tend to clean any defecation up pretty quickly and quietly. However, the real gross situation comes after the birth. When pooping becomes scary. When the nurses give you laxatives. When you think you may split open if you allow any sort of material to come out of you again.

Solution: Relax. And, pray. Also, take some stool softeners - but DON'T over do it. You can also eat a lot of 'P' fruits.

Real Life Stories:
"the... first bowel movement after labor pretty much feels like you're pushing out another baby... I only ate beans, whole grains, dulcolax, and fruit for days."
"first poo! Terrifying but not as bad as you'd think."
"they gave me so many laxatives&stool softeners after I had [my daughter], I actually POOPED myself... I remember being terrified to take my first bowel movement though. TERRIFIED...I thought if I pooped, my stitches would burst open"

Vaginal Farting - or, 'queefing'
After you push what feels like a 7-8 pound bowling ball through your legs - you're going to realize that your vagina has changed. In more than one way. However, no one told me or even hinted that I would begin to be able to fart from there. Initially, it happened all the time. If I closed my legs too fast, air would escape from my canal and - queef. Eventually, that was a rare occasion. However, it still happens occasionally during sex and, because I act like an immature 13-year-old boy when I'm naked, I laugh every time. Which tends to throw my husband off because he's pre-occupied with things more important than the sounds coming from my vagina. I find a sense a humor really helps though.

Solution: Kegals, kegals, and - well, kegals. Before and after birth.

Real Life Stories:
"and tampons never fit properly ever again. [I know a girl who] birthed one in her sleep last week"
"Ah yes, the vag farts. [my husband] has been too kind (& smart) to say if things are different, but I know it must be, based on that..."

Urination - wetting the bed isn't just for kids, anymore
During the first trimester with my current pregnancy, I had a moment of fear when I felt liquid seep onto my underwear. I feared the worst and ran to the bathroom, assuming I would discover blood. I was so upset by the prospect of having a miscarriage - that I was almost scared to look down. When I did, I was confused and felt pretty damn goofy when I discovered I wasn't bleeding - I had just peed myself.

When your uterus is growing and moving right on in, evicting your organs to other parts of your body - it puts a ton of pressure on your bladder. It's not uncommon to pee yourself at night or to wet your panties when you sneeze.

Solution: Once again, panty-liners will help since, most of the time, the urination is kept to a minimum. Also, don't forget those kegals! They help strengthen that area, which helps give you more control over your urethra.

Vivid Sex Dreams - that make you feel like a dirty, dirty girl
Since you'll be waking up every.five.minutes to use the bathroom at some point in your pregnancy, you'll tend to remember your dreams very clearly and, because of hormones and that pesky blood volume - you may have some extremely pornographic dreams.

I felt like I was cheating on my husband. I have dreamt about having sex with the neighbor, my co-worker, my female friend, Eric -from True Blood, and Harry Potter. Most of the time, I didn't even find these people remotely attractive. However, I had a lot of sex when pregnant. Well, in my head. Once in awhile, I awoke in a sweat and apologized to my spouse - asking him to please forgive me. Poor man wasn't getting any action, yet my brain was getting a'plenty!

Solution: Once again, relax. Turn off any guilt and enjoy the moment. Who knows, maybe you'll wake up and write a romance novella and become the next Danielle Steel.

Real Life Stories:
"I have orgasms in my sleep during my first trimester. I wouldn't call that gross, though. ;)"
" I'm having definite sex dreams now! And, damn, are they VIVID"



* I hope this list helps anyone who feared that maybe their pooping issues were theirs, and, theirs alone.

If anyone has any solutions or any other 'gross' things to add - please, do!

morning sickness - what's your advice?

If I had a quarter for every day I threw up with my first 2 pregnancies - I'd probably have somewhere around $80.00. And, maybe if I were eighty dollars richer - I would have felt better.

This pregnancy, I have thrown up far less - but felt far, far worse. I am nauseous from the moment I wake up, until the moment I fall asleep. I consistently walk around with a bad taste in my mouth and what feels like a working dryer in my stomach.

Here's a list of things that I have tried:

protein before bed - this works for making it so I am not vomiting immediately upon waking. After that, my protein intake does little to keep me highly functional throughout the day
frequent, small meals - this is easier said than done, when every time I think about food I want to cry myself to sleep
sea bands - ha! I thought these would work because they cured my motion sickness while on a cruise I took earlier this year. Apparently, that's where their helpfulness ends
carbonation - this is my favorite. Root Beer makes me burp, which makes me feel better. Unfortunately, soda is also bad for pregnant women. A win/lose
peppermint - this only works while I'm currently ingesting it. I don't like tea and I feel silly walking around with peppermint in my mouth all day
preggo pops - the taste made me want to vomit when I wasn't pregnant
a hot bath - in the once a decade that an opportunity for me to take a hot bath occurs, it works beautifully. Once again, however, only for the duration that I am in the water
crackers - I ate an entire bag of crackers today and all I felt was incredibly hungry

I pray that one of these solutions works for you. I've found a combination of all of them does me okay. With the assistance of Zofran injections, I have moved from "low-functioning" to "decently crabby."

I don't mean to complain, but I am pregnant - so it's partially a rite of passage. I also have accepted my fate as just being one of those women who gets sick when she's gestating. I'm thankful that, with each pregnancy, it has gotten easier. I just don't like it being there at all. I don't know what person enjoys being nauseous, though. So...

For all the women, like me, who feel they have tried everything and nothing works - I ask of you, ladies, what tips and tricks do you have up your sleeves to combat that pesky "morning" sickness?